For years, I dreamed of owning a Jeep—a rugged symbol of adventure and freedom.
So a few years ago, we bought a 20-year-old, 200,000-mile red Jeep Wrangler, a decision that would soon teach me an unexpected lesson about community.
Owning a Jeep comes with its own set of unique customs. First, there’s the playful tradition of finding rubber ducks left on your vehicle—something strange but unique to the Jeep community. Then, there’s the invitation to join exclusive Jeep clubs, either online or in person. But perhaps the most iconic aspect of Jeep ownership is the Jeep wave. If you’ve ever been behind the wheel of a Jeep, you know the unspoken rule: when you encounter another Jeep, you give a subtle, yet deliberate, wave—a simple gesture that speaks volumes.
This takes some getting used to. Why are people waving? Have I waited too long to wave back? Finally it clicks, and the Jeep wave becomes second nature.
Here’s where things get interesting. Our family also has another vehicle which lives at the opposite end of the cool spectrum: a minivan. I frequently find myself behind the wheel of the minivan—ferrying our three kids around.
Just about the time I’ve gotten the handle on the Jeep wave, I’m driving the minivan. I see another Jeep and, forgetting what car I’m in, I wave to the other driver. The response is always the same: an awkward glance, or worse, a blank stare. Without the Jeep, I’m not part of the club. I feel left out. I’ve realized that when I’m out of the Jeep, I’m out of the community.
This feeling is a small representation of a bigger reality of our intrinsic need to belong.
At the heart of our desire for community is a fundamental yearning to be known, to be seen, and to be valued. We thrive when we feel connected to others who share our values, interests, and passions.
Every one of us thrives in community. So, what does a real community look like?
1. Real community, when possible, is face to face, not virtual. These relationships spring out of intentionality and are not centered on comfort or convenience. They require creating room in your schedule for personal and present interactions with your friends and family.
2. Real community is authentic and exists beyond surface-level conversations. These relationships thrive in openness and honesty and leave the small talk at the door. They force you to allow people to see who really are, so they can help you become who you want to be.
3. Real community is responsive and leads to action. These relationships spur on intentional service and generosity. When one friend sees a need, they respond to it and do not seek anything in return.
Know this:
The conscious cultivation of community requires the conscious commitment of time.
If you’re reading this and you desire to have community with others, here’s a bold challenge: Instead of sitting around and waiting for community to come to you, be intentional and pursue it. Take proactive steps to forge those connections. Reach out to others. Join groups and clubs. Engage in activities that align with your interests and values. Be the catalyst for creating a community that you want to be part of.
